never try this at home.

I usually don't write "today I did this" type of entries, but today was just too stupid for words. Well let me tell you JUST how stupid I actually am. Ok so I'm going home on my lunch break to eat and walk the doggy, and as I close the door behind me, as I actually see it (in slow motion, of course) smashing behind me I realize I don't have my keys. Something I've been dreading since I moved in as the door is self-locked and no one has the key besides my roommate who was away today. I have 25 minutes left of my break, the doggy with me and HAVE to go back as we lose the 100% presence bonus if we miss work and I would have to sit outside for hours and hours and hours waiting, so I search myself fivehundredgazillion times in hope to magically find the keys on me somehow (fails). I then start to hysterically ring every door bell in the hallway, maybe someone can..eeh...help me? Or...something? Not that they would be able to get in to my apartment or anything, but you know, a woman in panic is a woman without logic, so there I went running up and down the stairs with a slightly confused dog. Then when nobody was home, I realized the construction building/thing outside the building. I shook off the thought as fast as I got it as we live on the 4th floor (top floor) but the panic made me realize I have my bedroom window open, so I called my boss. "Hi, I locked myself out, I'll be a little late back , I have to climb 4 stories to get to my house, okeeey?", and my roommate who was worried to death.

And off I go. Left the dog in the hallway, praying no one would show up, and started climbing. The Portuguese construction-things are neither safe nor easy to master, apparently. When I get to the second floor I change my mind, but looking down I'd rather jump than to climb back as getting to that point already was a complete mission by itself and it would be close to impossible to actually climb down again. So I continue. Realizing I must've looked like a burglar or a suicidal person I started laughing, up there on the 3rd story, I laughed so hard. And then I shook, I shook like a leaf realizing what I actually was in the middle of doing. I have never been this scared in my entire life, and the thought hit me over and over that I am in between the 3rd and the 4th floor, outside on a rusty construction-thing, these are the kind of things people do in movies and the audience keep yelling Nooo don't do that you idiot!!! I repeat: I've never shaken this much, and never been this scared in my entire life. When I reach the 4th floor of the construction-thing I realize I have to pull myself up to the roof, and in order to do this I have to leave the construction-thing and walk out onto the little tiny step on the building, which leaves me with nothing to hold on to, nothing to do, and I start walking on the tiny little edge, 4 stories up and looking down makes me nauseaus, I suddenly want to through up, I have nowhere to go but up as going back down is now 100% impossible. I pass windows, and start to frenetically knocking on them, not that I have any idea what to say if anybody would've opened. They didn't. I see a little peace of brick-thing, and come to the conclusion that it's my ONLY way of pulling myself up to the roof, the roof leading over to my window. So in order to get up, which is the only choice I have now, I would have to pull myself up on this shaky, weak thing that would make me fall down in a second of it broke. I've never been in more of a movie-moment than this before, and decided not to panic but to just, in one attempt (only had one, as I would fall if I failed), pull myself up. Seeing as I'm writing this now, I managed to get myself up and with a lump in my throught and tears in my eyes I ran across the roof on shaky legs to my window, threw myself in there like a ninja and cried like I've never cried before. This was the most horrible thing I've ever done, the stupidest most horrible thing that easily could've killed me in a second. I grabbed the keys ran down to the dog and then went back to work and felt nauseous all evening. Now I'm sitting here with only scratched legs, a blessing if you ask me. Never fucking ever try this at home kids.

(I'm sorry mom).