boa tarde

Lisbon is extra beautiful today, sometimes she just is. It's like she stands a bit taller when people are wearing sandals and the birds are singing a different melody. Arrived home to a sweaty (but not less happy) roomie getting ready for her nightly adventures with the vodka bottle under her arm. After sending her off, almost like a wife waves her husband goodbye when he's going into war, I settled down with chocolate from Pingo Doce, juice and Girls Next Door. Tomorrow will be filled with sunkissed skin, writing and drinking beer


(the sweatiest lady in town)

. . . . and I just realized I ate the last piece of chocolate without even noticing, and slightly regret not enjoying it. It's ok, I'll get another one tomorrow.

Beijinhos!

Lost and found

Friendships were seemingly lost, then put on hold, waiting to be found again. I'll wait until the end of time for a friend I know is worth the wait, yet any friend would be worth the wait, otherwise they would not be friends, only nice people you like to spend time with occasionally. Meanwhile, I'll just have my early morning breeze walks in Jardim da Estrela and let life inspire me to create.

See you in the AM.

there you are

It's a shame you haven't realized you have the whole world. The tough part is deciding where you wanna go and what you wanna do..who you wanna be(come). The beautiful part is the fact that you have a choice, do you know how many people there are in the world simply hoping to wake up the next day? And there you are, limiting yourself.

step into my office

The morning was spent in Jardim da Estrela, this is where my magic happens nowadays. 8am every day.

Tell me can you hear my voice, loud and clear above the noise?

In a temporarily empty apartment I create the new world, my future if you will. When the roomie is out exploring her notion of Lisbon with the family, I open the windows and let the mind flow freely and breathe the dream. Singing along as loud as I possibly can to Money Honey and Falling in Love while I write a few more paragraphs, read a little in The Carrie Diaries and think about last night when we enjoyed life in english, italian, portuguese, swedish and a little bit in french. A confused mind is a happy mind. And now: my daily viewing of Burlesque. Daily, yes.

They make it worthwhile

The little dog went round and around in the endless apartment, almost as he had to touch every part of the air, every inch of the floor in fear of not having appreciated the opportunity to the fullest. The room seemed timeless, the walls spoke of many lifetimes and the water stain in the ceiling was too honest to be in the way. She felt calm underneath it. The whole house made her calm, it felt mighty and wise, and she always felt secure in the presence of overwhelming things.

They filled the room with dreams, the future, love. She found a friend in her that made the word thankful lose all significance. And she smiled all the way home, home to the friend in her mailbox.

Have you ever thought about the people in your life? Have you ever stopped in the middle of a street and realized how blessed you are for the people in your life? Have you ever gotten shivers down your spine thinking about how you are the luckiest person in the world to have those people in your life?

Have you? No but, have you really?

When you're happy like a fool, let it take you over

Hands over keyboard. My heart skips a beat every time a finger touches a key. After 3 and a half row I have to pause and breathe. My soul is flooded with the mighty feeling you get when you're in the heart of doing what you're meant to be doing, when you have finally reached that moment; taken a leap of faith and approached what used to scare you, used to limit you. In this instance, I shed a tear and continue to write.

Black Coffee

She takes a sip of her, nowadays, black coffee. She recently learnt to drink what previously required a fragment of a drop of milk. It is almost like the milk was just meant to be there even if its random just-being-there-ness made no significant difference, as if its mere existence in the cup made things easier, less bitter. She usually searched for factors to tone things down, in a previous life, where most segments of the daily life were set on autopilot and life is put in a much too well-paced pattern of how to behave. In the world where the story goes: when unhappy- immediately work your way towards happiness again, where people tend to forget there is a source, a reason, a meaning for being unhappy. Instead of realizing- they cover up. They add so much milk to their lives they're numbing the bitterness, yet it's still there.

She now drinks her coffee black, not because she has to face, and consequently learn to love,the bitterness, but because she can't be bothered with adding stuff to her life that really makes no difference in the long run. She wants to see things for what they really are, and she will continue to create her reality, without the drop of milk.

mind & soul.

"Most people don't know it but the subconscious mind is about 90% of your total mind power. The conscious mind is what we use in our daily life; it's surprising that it's only 10%. You just have to remember that your subconscious mind accepts anything you submit to it whether it is positive or negative".
- Law of Attraction

Wouldn't it be so much easier if we decided to affect the subconscious part of the mind instead? If we have that part covered, the conscious part will quite delighted. Remember every day how amazing and strong you are, and when your subconscious is convinced, the conscious will only feed on happiness. You are your own center, start living life for yourself. That's what I'm gonna do. Now.

Sleepless in Lisbon

I am obsessed with the idea of a new apartment. My own place. It has reached the point where I can't sleep at night, no but really. The roomie-extravaganza is great, but I have been standing on my own feet in my own apartment since I was 18 and Lisbon will never feel like home until I have my place to fill with my own atmosphere. In my own ways. This room is not worth 300 euros + bills, that's that. So in June I'll be hardcore searching for a tiny little UNFURNISHED studio apartment in the heart of Lisbon, and paint the walls with dreams and mellow inspiration. Come to mama darling?

Inspiration that makes my heart fuzzy:





pcs: stumbleupondontknowwhere

it doesn't always have to shine bright.

I am a simple girl. I prefer unconditional love before anything else. As simple as that, see? I think of my loved one first thing in the morning, last thing in the night and would swim the atlantic ocean for him. With pleasure. There is really no limits to what I would do for him. At any given time.

I am indeed fully aware of the fact that all loves are coloured with a bit of flaws (which makes it unique and consequently; perfect), but when you are more sad than happy, it's time to let go.

Golden rule: more happiness than sadness. It is as simple as that. And it goes for anything in life.

a whole new world

Almost a year has past. Plans changed, minds went out of control, people got closer, grew apart, some were happy some were sad, it has been a whirlwind up to this point. A friendly soul invited us to join her in a new world, so the plans to enter London made a U-turn and we packed up our lives in a van and drove across the continent to the country with the foreign language. After 24 hours in the new country souls broke into pieces and we followed our own footsteps back again.

Some of us healed and approached new emotions, while some of us couldn't let go of the country far far away.

I am now sitting in a cozy little top-flor apartment looking over Ponte 25 Abril in the country with the foreign language, grateful for the friendly soul, because of her I am now celebrating 6 months in Lisbon, Portugal.

ok honestly..

OH MY GOD OH LORD LORDIE GAAAAWD!!! This heat, ok for real now, it's totally adorable if there is a pool nearby and/or you were on a massive vaca. I am on nor have neither. Would be brilliant if we were able to spread out the above-zero-degrees on the entire year, instead of snow and all that crap in the winter followed by a couple of weeks of torture-like filthy heat we'd be having, let's say, 20dgr all year around. Cool?

it's not always easy, but Mcfly's here forever

Wigan. Greater Manchester borough. Soaked up in what we believe in, a sense of belonging to complete strangers, looking up smiling to grey clouds out of our minds and out of time. We had landed in England again.

Sleeping under the stars again, bugs resembling little dinosaurs, sweetheart security, a let-in going from hell to heaven in a minute, taxis being cheaper than busses, international front row, crying when chairs for the acoustic set were being pulled out- realizing what was to happen, never ever singing the right lyrics in The Heart Never Lies again.

Just look into my eyes, cause mcfly never lies. Because The Heart Never Lies.

still surrounded by the infinite love that lingers, never fades

So filled with love that if I try and express it, I'll burst.

and then we celebrated being halfway into the summer.

break down, then rise.

How the hell did this happen? Or it didn't quite happen as much as it rather progressed into a new situation. It breaks me down inside, not a day goes by when I don't feel bad about not being able to control it. Because I can't. I have no control whatsoever. I have tried about a thousand and one ways to alter it, to change it, to make it into something it's not, but at the end of the day... it's still the same. It used to be different, oh so very different. But now it's like this and I can't do anything but accept it. It has caused a fight inside of me, between the good and the bad side. When the bad side has caused the slightest bit of damage due to this situation, I cry on the inside (and much too often on the outside), and I kick and scream and hate myself a little bit. Only because I can't control it. I really really can't. I will accept that I can't change how it all ended up, and I will indeed keep this internal war going inside of me until the bad side has surrendered.

I am sorry.

Ramble.

Opened the blog without a clue what to write. This is one of those moments you'd be able to express emotions better in drawings rather than text, you know? Wish I could paint, really, I do. Ramble ramble, blah blah. Oh and I also wish I knew photoshop. Ok for real, my next move is to figure out the wonder that is PS, and master it with perfection. I hear there are courses for that. Courses? Really? Who attends those? I also hear there is a World Cup going on...

I feel so alive I'm on the verge of supernatural

I wanna give this weekend a standing ovation and the people around me a billion love letters.

you make it all come alive

Yesterday was too good for words. The most amazing people, drool-worthy buffet, jumping on the bed yelling like a hyena to oldies but goodies, classic disney hits, karaoke, laughter and never ending love made me wake up with a smile on best friends couch. The hangover is worth it when you're drunk on love. The people in my life take my breath away. I am the luckiest girl in the world.

.

the roll.....I'M ON IT!

• Morning jog- check!
• Laundry- check!
• Sunshine outside- check!
• rock-hooker outfit picked out- check!
• wetting my pants of excitement for tonight- check!
• fucking loving life- CHECK DAMNIT!!!!!

heya!

Gloomy misty rainy weather. Ipod and acoustic tunes. A walk against the sunset with doggy and a smile of the rather honest kind. It feels so good.

Ok so, tomorrow is one of those "ARE WE THERE YET?!!!!"-days and I'm pretty damny certain I'll be on a never ending roll from AM to PM (to AM again). Work is giving us a dinner at a fancy-pantsy ristorante, because we're the awesome-est of employees. Or, you know, not. But we're entitled to one of these events/dinners once or twice a year cause the company is NAICE. Ok sweetpants, I need to spend some time with my new book, a guy is an infiltrator for both the polish mafia AND for the swedish police; it's all just a big fat mess and I'm crapping my pants with excitement.

I'm riding off the rails

We spent some time together today, the stepmaster and I. Quality time. He's such a sweetheart and I was sweating like a motherbitch. HEYYY MACARENA!!

*rolling on floor laughing*

down goes another one

Headphones. Curled up in bed. Letting loose of the melody that keeps me sane.

Everyday feels like a monday, there is

no escaping from the heartache

I cry a little, over how these guys are the only ones able to keep me on the ground with simply chords. It only takes as much, and I'm human. No one will ever mean more to me than those chords and melodies, not a single person will be able to touch my soul to the extent music does.

Standing in front of my biggest inspiration at a live gig is the mightiest feeling I have ever felt in my entire life, every single time, the whole world is reduced to that very moment, when the first sound is flowing. I am myself to the fullest when the music plays.

If this is the last song I'll ever sing, I'm giving it everything

in the strangest of times, you get in touch with the sanest of you.

Yesterday was a motherbitch. Today is just a hoe. My wisdom tooth is having a party in my jaw and the fever of yesterday is lurking in the shadows. The gym session is cancelled but a power walk is on the agenda, new and fairly unavailable music is filling my room and plans are in the making. As much as paper covers rock, Mcfly covers all tooth ache in the world.

what is this fuckery?

Somehow I hurt my arm when crawling into the tent while camping 2 days ago and the smooth little pain took over my life last night and the only way to keep it that doesn't make me cry is over my head. Spent the night sleeping on my stomach with my arm over my head which resulted in me waking up a gazillion and one times due to extreme uncomfy-ness. Could've been worse though. I'm kinda fine, if I walk around like this:

Which I will.

Later!

There is a difference between being alive and live.

We're living

woship the mothersun

I feel slightly un-well. I'm not sick, I don't feel like crap. I'm just un-well. Freezing and sweating, it's all just a freakshow really. I am, however, heading outside to consume some of those D-vitamins [vait:uh:minns] not [vitt:ahh:minns] seeing as I am a sun-whore along with Zoë and Holly, and we need to worship (or WOSHIP as zozo prefers to call it, apparently) the mothersun. On that note, I'm out.

where words fail, music speaks.

Music can take you anywhere, everywhere, nowhere. It's the phenomenon that enables you to freely fall into the hands of the future, the past and make whatever you want to with the present. Music makes me creative and provides meaning to whatever lacks significance, if my days are big empty rooms with walls vibrating to the slightest noise, music makes it crowded and the walls bulletproof, gathers my thoughts into a play-dough of concreteness. British boys spoke to me about surfing the sun as it starts to rise, they taught me how to love music, and american boys of this century made me comfortable with my own mind and pushed me in the right direction, towards myself.

We can sprawl across the floor, staying up until its four,

make your eyes my entertainment for the night.

What would be left without it is a nothing emptier and in more pieces than a heart broken by love because it would stem from abstraction, music is separated from what makes everything unnecessarily complicated; that is why it never fails you.

Where words fail, music speaks.