when you keep searching and searching and all you find is soulless substance. It won't feed you

It is funny how we keep misleading ourselves,
when it, in fact, is really simple.


the whole thing is in your mind

When will you realize we live on a round globe in the middle of nowhere and everywhere amongst millions of stars, particles and strange things beyond our ability to grasp? When will it cross your mind that all the things surrounding us on a daily basis are just made up nonsense we need to keep convincing ourselves that this all makes sense, that it's all natural. Nothing is natural; no habits, patterns or norms are natural. We need norms and expectations to keep order in our world, to make sense of what is too big for our brains to understand, but nothing is what it is naturally. We have created cultural stereotypes, languages, social norms, age-appropriateness and expected ways of living, to develop and to go about with the little instance we call life. Because it is exactly what it is, an instance. We are too big-headed to realize the life we live for an estimated 80 years or so is just an instance in the long run called eternity, and the little social norms and laws we've come up with are just to prevent chaos. Nothing is magically natural, it's being created and recreated by humans. Everything on planet earth is human creation and recreation, endless reproduction and invention.

"She behaves like a 12 year old, and she is nearly 30!". Who said we have to behave in a certain way at a certain age? We did. We decided. But, enters cultural difference: a 12 year old in one country might be working her butt off on a farm, while another one is playing with dolls and make up in a girly pink room in a western society. Who is the most natural? Who is the most age appropriate? Who decides? Nothing decides, because we are just little instances in a huge universe, like a blink and then we're gone and all the bullshit social expectations and norms seem pointless.

My point? Yes obey laws, we need order in the world, one shall not kill and so on and so forth, but cut the bullshit and do what makes you happy and not what society expects. Keep in mind that we are being fed images of how the life shall be lived every day, and it's all irrelevant. If we only get a blink and then we're gone, shouldn't that be appreciated? Do what makes sense for you, and then let others make sense of the world in their way. Dress in what the heck you want, eat what the heck you want and dream of what the heck you want. Because when you think about it this way, nothing makes sense anyway so you might as well have fun with it.

it's up to you new york, new york

Locking myself in a bubble of snuggle with the gentleman above, a shitload of tea, sister across the world on skype and weird tenses of portuguese. Cheers mate!


I've been searching for some

The instrumental intro to this song on this tour (34 sec in) is mind-numblingly, goosebumpingly extraordinarily brilliant.
I die, I die.

I said a hip hop the hibby to the hibby to the hip hop and you dont stop..

Early morning, raced the little coffee shop on the corner with starting the day. Went for a jog along the harbor with I'm on the run from everyone, where moons and suns collide blasting from the top of my head to the tip of my toes.

And then I cried my heart out to McFly-Shine a Light, Live at Wembley. As usual.

All is in order.


some poeple move your soul to dance

Português, "Coco before Chanel", vanilla ice-cream with sprinkles scented candles, daddys homemade liquor, New York New York mix on repeat.
Saturday in Lisbon.


just tell yourself - I'll be Ok

Her life grew an inch taller as her soul turned one year older, and we all celebrated with love and jelloshots in a blur of languages and mellow winds from the Atlantic.

Och plötsligt gavs jag en veckas ohanterbart avbrott i vardagen och min lilla själ försökte förtvivlat fylla okända tomrum med trevande tankar som snubblade över sig själva och gick på en tunn lina mellan total förvirring och inspiration. Efter en veckas balansgång står tankarna tryckt och säkert på stadig mark, som kan förvandlas till kvicksand vilken dag som hellst. Jag bygger mig ett sandslott sålänge och tackar för gräset mellan tårna, så kan paniken få komma krypande bäst den vill.


by the sea

Holiday and fog and trees and greenery and fresh air and ocean and fairytale houses and bubblegum hand wash and good friend and endless horizon and happy thoughts



Is there somewhere here to let me in I asked

Leaving Starbucks with Kasey and a night with tea and writing ahead of me. Leaving Lisbon for adventures tomorrow.

nothing's wrong with dreaming

She makes herself comfortable in the little brown/green striped chair in the corner in Starbucks. She put her headphones in. She doesn't really like Starbucks, besides one or two frappuccinos in the sumer time, yet frankly the reason she has them is the fact that they remind her of the times in England as opposed to any sort of craving for the drink itself. She can do without the drink, but not without reminiscing back to England every now and then. The reason she comes to Starbucks all together is usually because she misses England, her sister and what has been.

In her headphones Mcfly is playing so loud she cannot hear her own thoughts, just like she prefers. When she is writing she doesn't wanna get bothered by thoughts, she wants the writing to come from beyond thoughts, from feelings, and she is feeling better when the melodies are taking over. She takes a sip of the Cappuccino in the tall paper cup, it tastes like crap but it's ok, it reminds her of England. And then she writes.


Oh, neighborhood.

Right at this moment my entire neighborhood is trying to make as much noise as they can. I'm starting to think they have some kind of conspiracy going on... BUT ok, instead of sitting on my grumpy ass and moan I am currently tackling my neighbor's *doonka doonka* by singing along to McFlys entire Above the noise-album as loud as I possibly can from cover to cover, so to speak. I was practically screaming myself into exhaustion when
tell me can you hear my voice, loud and clear ABOOOOVE THE NOISEEEE came on during Shine a Light. Quite appropriate. It is what it is. My plan is to re-enact this around 8.30 AM tomorrow along with the morning coffee. He he.

Not to get disturbed by noise, you have to make louder noise.


don't wait too long, cause you're almost there


ch 10

"I love the warmth of newly printed papers and it's almost as if the magic will vanish as soon as they've been touched. After what could have been minutes, maybe hours it doesn't really matter, I approach the bundle of papers, lay my hand on it and close my eyes while I take in the well known smell of my dreams in printed format"

- Mellow Inspiration ch: 10.


till mig själv

yogi tea.


take a leap of faith. or just live, cherish, love all

The heart may freeze,
or it can burn
The pain will ease,
if I can learn
There if no future,
there is no past
I live this moment as my last

There's only us,
there's only this
Forget regrets,
or life if yours to miss
No other road,
no other way

No day,
but today.




In this country, if you want something- you make. I've been missing rice porridge and they don't have it (or if so, let me know 1 week in advance so I have time to hire the criminals who will rob the store for me) - so I made it myself. That along with all the gas stoves here.. Want food? You make- Want fire? You make. There is kind of a "me- Tarzan you- Jane" situation going on. Don't get me wrong, me loves. Back to basics, so to speak.I'll be right back I just need to
feed the horses and go to the water hole with a bowl on my head..

I had all the dreams of riding carousels, now it's upon life I wanna climb


what a beautiful mess, this is

Oh well hi there. It's been a bit of a hazzle, a bit of a complication, a little bit of stress, round that up with some soul searching and you've got yourself the past few weeks of my life. Been trying to get out of something and into something new, facing some rough times, bitten the sour apple a few times if you will. But oh how great it is to be alive. Let's create something extraordinary shall we?

"For all his bluster, it is the sad province of man that he cannot choose his triumph. He can only choose how he will stand when the call of destiny comes, hoping he will have the courage to answer"
- Chapter two: "Don't look back"


strangers like me

Strolled down the sidewalk with the jungle beats of Tarzan blasting in my brain. Went to check out the building of an apartment I'm gonna take a look at on Monday. Saw the street and ran for my life, would rather live in a trash can in Bangladesh. Went over to the neighborhood of another apartment the agency has available, close to work and to my heart. Apparently. Holy mother f.. Sent 2 hysterical texts to the agency about how I wanna switch to the other one instead. Ha ha they will have a blast coming into work on Monday seeing my "please please pleaeplealpelapleaaseeeee pretty please please oh pretty please can I see the other apartment PUH-LEAZEEE?!"- messages. He he. Funny.


somewhere in the world someone's making love to this song right now

Round and around it goes this bright light morning, the playlist if my heart. Over and over the beats are telling me the truth. Someone asked me if I never get bored of the melodies, I feel sad that that person has only experienced music with her ears, never with her soul.

One more song before I've got to go, I'm singing
From the very bottom of my soul, and meaning
Every single word and every note, I'm pleading
Let me hear you sing it all once more, with feeling


you have that kind of smile that could break a face, just boom.

Smiling for so many reasons today that we would turn old and grey if I started counting. So we'll just enjoy the music instead.


be creative and above all approach happiness

Spent my weekend with Baby Doll, Sweet Pea, Rocket, Amber and Blondie. The only women I can stand at the moment.
Will get some important information today. Cross your fingers, cross your toes and keep your heart beating.


For those who fight for it, life has a flavor the sheltered will never know

Who honors those we love with the very life we live? Who sends monsters to kill us, and at the same time sings that we'll never die? Who teaches us what's real, and how to laugh at lies? Who decides why we live, and what we'll die to defend? Who chains us, and who holds the key to set us free? It's you. You have all the weapons you need. Now fight!
- Sucker Punch 2011



Eating a spoon of Sweden, the porridge I couldn't live without. Drinking instant coffee, because it reminds me of my family. I'm in that place now, and I like it.

"Home is indeed where the heart is, a notion that, when I first really grasped its significance, would be able to make me the happiest girl in the world basically living in a clay hut in Burma for the rest of my days. The more I've come to realize the support and love from the fantastic people in my life, the further away from them I've felt comfortable being, odd but true. The tremendously safe comfort zone I've created back home gave me strength to leave it; it's as if the safer you are in what you call home, the more confident and secure you get to leave it and expand your horizons".

- Mellowinspiration


you just need to know how to swim

I don't know where it begins, nor where it ends. I'm no sure how I'll be able to grab the slippery little red line I so devotedly tied around my wrist many weeks ago (and so gracefully dropped in the Atlantic to watch it sink to the bottom). I'll think of something, once this gets out of my body. It's just a little hard climbing up on top of the mountain again with an infection weighing you down, slowing your roll, and frankly it's getting a bit boring down here now.

Goal: Dive to the bottom of the Atlantic and pick up the red line. Throw the infection in the garbage.
Deadline: Next week.



every day I wake up I chose love, I chose light

Inspiration is not about wanting what another person has, but touches the tip of the toe of your dreams and ambitions, a tingle run down your spine and you feel invincible. And you find yourself running down the street along side with exactly who you are and what you wanna do screaming "I can too!!"