still surrounded by the infinite love that lingers, never fades

So filled with love that if I try and express it, I'll burst.


break down, then rise.

How the hell did this happen? Or it didn't quite happen as much as it rather progressed into a new situation. It breaks me down inside, not a day goes by when I don't feel bad about not being able to control it. Because I can't. I have no control whatsoever. I have tried about a thousand and one ways to alter it, to change it, to make it into something it's not, but at the end of the day... it's still the same. It used to be different, oh so very different. But now it's like this and I can't do anything but accept it. It has caused a fight inside of me, between the good and the bad side. When the bad side has caused the slightest bit of damage due to this situation, I cry on the inside (and much too often on the outside), and I kick and scream and hate myself a little bit. Only because I can't control it. I really really can't. I will accept that I can't change how it all ended up, and I will indeed keep this internal war going inside of me until the bad side has surrendered.

I am sorry.



Opened the blog without a clue what to write. This is one of those moments you'd be able to express emotions better in drawings rather than text, you know? Wish I could paint, really, I do. Ramble ramble, blah blah. Oh and I also wish I knew photoshop. Ok for real, my next move is to figure out the wonder that is PS, and master it with perfection. I hear there are courses for that. Courses? Really? Who attends those? I also hear there is a World Cup going on...


I feel so alive I'm on the verge of supernatural

I wanna give this weekend a standing ovation and the people around me a billion love letters.


you make it all come alive

Yesterday was too good for words. The most amazing people, drool-worthy buffet, jumping on the bed yelling like a hyena to oldies but goodies, classic disney hits, karaoke, laughter and never ending love made me wake up with a smile on best friends couch. The hangover is worth it when you're drunk on love. The people in my life take my breath away. I am the luckiest girl in the world.


the roll.....I'M ON IT!

  • Morning jog- check!
  • Laundry- check!
  • Sunshine outside- check!
  • rock-hooker outfit picked out- check!
  • wetting my pants of excitement for tonight- check!
  • fucking loving life- CHECK DAMNIT!!!!!



Gloomy misty rainy weather. Ipod and acoustic tunes. A walk against the sunset with doggy and a smile of the rather honest kind. It feels so good.

Ok so, tomorrow is one of those "ARE WE THERE YET?!!!!"-days and I'm pretty damny certain I'll be on a never ending roll from AM to PM (to AM again). Work is giving us a dinner at a fancy-pantsy ristorante, because we're the awesome-est of employees. Or, you know, not. But we're entitled to one of these events/dinners once or twice a year cause the company is NAICE. Ok sweetpants, I need to spend some time with my new book, a guy is an infiltrator for both the polish mafia AND for the swedish police; it's all just a big fat mess and I'm crapping my pants with excitement.


I'm riding off the rails

We spent some time together today, the stepmaster and I. Quality time. He's such a sweetheart and I was sweating like a motherbitch. HEYYY MACARENA!!

*rolling on floor laughing*


down goes another one

Headphones. Curled up in bed. Letting loose of the melody that keeps me sane.
Everyday feels like a monday, there is
no escaping from the heartache
I cry a little, over how these guys are the only ones able to keep me on the ground with simply chords. It only takes as much, and I'm human. No one will ever mean more to me than those chords and melodies, not a single person will be able to touch my soul to the extent music does.
Standing in front of my biggest inspiration at a live gig is the mightiest feeling I have ever felt in my entire life, every single time, the whole world is reduced to that very moment, when the first sound is flowing. I am myself to the fullest when the music plays.
If this is the last song I'll ever sing, I'm giving it everything


in the strangest of times, you get in touch with the sanest of you.

Yesterday was a motherbitch. Today is just a hoe. My wisdom tooth is having a party in my jaw and the fever of yesterday is lurking in the shadows. The gym session is cancelled but a power walk is on the agenda, new and fairly unavailable music is filling my room and plans are in the making. As much as paper covers rock, Mcfly covers all tooth ache in the world.


what is this fuckery?

Somehow I hurt my arm when crawling into the tent while camping 2 days ago and the smooth little pain took over my life last night and the only way to keep it that doesn't make me cry is over my head. Spent the night sleeping on my stomach with my arm over my head which resulted in me waking up a gazillion and one times due to extreme uncomfy-ness. Could've been worse though. I'm kinda fine, if I walk around like this:

Which I will.



woship the mothersun

I feel slightly un-well. I'm not sick, I don't feel like crap. I'm just un-well. Freezing and sweating, it's all just a freakshow really. I am, however, heading outside to consume some of those D-vitamins [vait:uh:minns] not [vitt:ahh:minns] seeing as I am a sun-whore along with Zoƫ and Holly, and we need to worship (or WOSHIP as zozo prefers to call it, apparently) the mothersun. On that note, I'm out.


where words fail, music speaks.

Music can take you anywhere, everywhere, nowhere. It's the phenomenon that enables you to freely fall into the hands of the future, the past and make whatever you want to with the present. Music makes me creative and provides meaning to whatever lacks significance, if my days are big empty rooms with walls vibrating to the slightest noise, music makes it crowded and the walls bulletproof, gathers my thoughts into a play-dough of concreteness. British boys spoke to me about surfing the sun as it starts to rise, they taught me how to love music, and american boys of this century made me comfortable with my own mind and pushed me in the right direction, towards myself.

We can sprawl across the floor, staying up until its four,
make your eyes my entertainment for the night.

What would be left without it is a nothing emptier and in more pieces than a heart broken by love because it would stem from abstraction, music is separated from what makes everything unnecessarily complicated; that is why it never fails you.

Where words fail, music speaks.